Guest Post: What I Don't Want

This is a little snippet from my brother's journal that I had to manipulate him into giving me so I could post it all over the world wide web. After telling him how selfish he was being with his thoughts and asking him what the world would be like if C. S. Lewis or Donald Miller were as selfish as he, he finally ripped it out of his journal and handed it to me saying, "Jeff Tweedy says it best 'if the whole world's singing your songs, and all of your paintings have been hung, just remember what was your is everyone's from now on,' Emily."

What I Don't Want

I am frequently asked, "What do you want to do when you graduate?" "Where do you want to live?" "What kind of girl do you want to marry?" etc. I never know how to respond. I don't have a clear vision for my life. There are so many things I want to do, so many places I want to go, and so many people I want to meet. When I am asked these types of questions I feel like I am being asked to look into the night sky and choose a favourite star. It is kind of a ridiculous request. I like so many of them. Just like the stars, I perceive most things in this world as beautiful. Because I am drawn to so many beautiful things, when I come across something I perceive as ugly, it is obvious. It is obvious because it is rare. It is that soar thumb. It is Rosanne Barr singing The Star Spangled Banner. It is that sour note the bass player plays at a concert. I like to call these ugly things- the things that I don't want. 

Here is a list:

• insecurity
• the constant need for words of affirmation and physical touch
• the desire to be cool
• corporate ladders
• a white picket fence
• granite counter tops
• condescending speech or tone
• judgment
• when people use missions, humanitarianism, and ministry as a way to elevate themselves or feel good about themselves
• people who don't see the opportunities of singleness
• the lack of appreciate for art
• debates that don't involve an honest and humble search of truth
• excuses
• insensitivity

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I liked what Ben wrote because it was so sincere. I remember once he was rambling on about how so many people talk about what they want in life and it involves such frivolous things; I laughed my rump off when he said "I don't know what I want, but I sure can tell you what I don't want. And that is granite counter tops!"

He's not saying that people who want or have these things are stupid or that they are literally "ugly". What he's saying is that these things, and so many others, so easily distract people from the actual life they have now, from what they can have if they don't have these things, from the authenticity of what is. These desires have the potential to make life ugly because the human tendency is to contrast our reality with our unmet desires. 

Just thought you'd like to hear from someone other than me. What do you not want?