Today, I Pout...

Typically, I don't sweat the small stuff... but I'm in one of my I-want-to-be-alone-and-because-you-wont-leave-me-be-I'm-ridiculously-irritable moods... this usually happens to me when I continue to socialize past my mental socializing quota... if I don't have time alone to recharge, I don't know how to handle myself. And stuff that typically wouldn't bother me, grates on my last nerve. Everything annoying is magnified and shoved in my face. Simply asking me a question is translated as someone poking my arm for 15 minutes straight... I thought I needed drugs after I first went to college. I was thinking there was something wrong with my chemicals... but I've learned it's all a matter of me having clear social boundaries. As long as I have time alone to re-center, I'm stable. I have had no time alone since Memorial Day weekend... I've been running on fumes and last night, my adrenaline ran out. As you can tell, I've been blogging a lot more recently- it's a way to have time to think about what's been on my mind... I even went running last night- I HATE RUNNING WITH A BURNING PASSION... but it was a way to be alone... I wish I was a little hermit crab or a turtle... then, I could just crawl inside myself and take some time to breath deep, rid my mind of clutter, and re-center. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Last night, my wonderful husband was just trying to help me out... typically, I'd think "no biggie"... but instead, last night, the fact that he loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes when it was full of clean ones, just about ate at my soul. I need some time alone.
I figure, I'll go on a run to clear my brain of pollution. Excited to run with Coldplay's Lovers In Japan in my ears, I grab my ipod to find out, it's dead. WTF?!
I come back from my run- I hate running- and hop in the shower only to be reminded that our damn hot-water heater isn't working. I start crying as I'm doing a back bend to avoid the rush of cold water down my body. I start resenting having hair. I start thinking about taking clippers to it so I can wash it in the sink from now on... I hate showering to begin with... The cold water just pushed my tears over the edge. I need some time alone.

I am a mess and I wish it was raining to match my mood.

This morning, I figure I'll catch up on a few blogs I've missed over the weekend. I usually visit Mourning Into Dancing when I need perspective... Then, I get to this one and start crying just as she said she started crying. I am a mess!

So, today, I am comforting myself with prayer, my Pandora Enya station, Dunkin Donuts coffee (milk & sugar please) and an everything bagel toasted & with butter. I am stepping into my proverbial shell by avoiding Twitter and FB... and, in hopes of protecting my SIL (who is living with us for the summer), I will be spending the afternoon alone... we'll see how that goes...