The following expert is from an email between me and a darling friend of mine who has just started her second year of college. She has guys who she doesn't know asking to take her out, and she wasn't quite sure how to think about the whole new situation. Another friend of mine and I had recently visited the topic, so my thoughts on the matter were at the forefront of my mind. I share these thoughts with you to draw out your opinion on the matter.
Disclaimer: emailing to me, is like conversation... it may be rough around the edges, not well written, and redundant... but it's a matter of processing out loud.Basically, don't hate on me if I don't make sense. Also, I would not trust just any girl with this advice/freedom/responsibility...
When I was in college, I rarely ever turned down a date. However, I never called anyone my boyfriend. (except Steve). I believe there is much freedom to be enjoyed, much femininity to be attained, and much independence to be learned in dating. On a date with someone who is not their "boyfriend", a girl can learn how to hold her own, how to be herself, and how to allow herself to be treated. A girl must be clear that she isn't interested in a serious relationship. To help avoid serious relationships, a girl should feel no guilt about going to dinner with Ben on Tuesday night, and lunch with Jeff on Wednesday. If the boy is okay with this, the dates should be casual, he should pay, and they should never end up somewhere danger could be near. (alone in his dorm room, parked somewhere, etc). A girl shouldn't feel tied down to a guy just because he treats her to dinner and a movie... a girl should be free to learn about a man who has the guts to ask her on a date without feeling responsible for his feelings. If the girl senses that he is about to tell her how he feels, she should ask him not to, or make it clear that she hasn't developed feelings yet, because she is still getting to know him... If the boy insists on telling the girl how he feels about her, she is then responsible for his feelings... then, and only then, she must take into consideration how he may interpret her actions or words... a girl should try to avoid that conversation until she is sure she knows how she feels... feelings should have no weight in a girls thought process until after she has throughoughly thought through who the boy is as a man and as a son of God. Now, of course, this will only work if the girls reputation precedes her. Except for the occasional loser, a girl will attract what she puts out there. If she portrays a pure and loving person, she will attract pure and loving men... (most of the time, so use wisdom)... some of which she will connect with and some of which she will not.
Dating is a sort of interview process. Just because you interview someone, doesn't mean you owe them the job... thoughts?
2 comments:
Yay! You already know I agree. This is a refreshing change from the hidden-away, do-not-look-the-opposite-sex-directly-in-the-eye opinion of much of "the church."
And I think it helps you appreciate your husband more, because you know what you want and what you definitely don't want, you don't have to wonder "what if," and you don't have to question if he really IS the best out there. You know he is, because you spent some time with other guys before he came around. And because some of that time was fun, and some was SUPER AWKWARD, you can just be glad to have ended up with who you got!
This was a weird, rambling comment. Apologies. :)
Post a Comment