Soundtrack of 2010

Hello my long lost friends,

If you're new here, I'd like to extend a warm welcome. I'd also like to warn you not to get too comfortable with this little URL of mine. There will be some big changes in the near future. If you're not new here but you subscribe to what you thought was a dead feed, I'd like to thank you for not completely giving up on me. As anyone can tell this blog has been on a sort of life support for the past year. By the skin of our teeth (what a disgusting idiom) we have managed to pull her through to see one more year.

It's been brought to my attention that I am in the habit of encrypting my writing. I'd like to believe my natural inclination to ambiguously imply things is evidence of a tiny crazed poet who resides in my heart... hunched over a little desk... with a Jack-be-nimble-candle-stick... as her over-sized shawl licks the floor of my soul. She's coo coo.

I wish I had the audacity to turn myself inside out for you, but I don't. Besides, this isn't a live journal. This is blogger. This is supposed to be where really interesting experts display their finest prowess on a topic; Consequently, struggling to not competing with their fellow blogger whom they used to adore until they realized they had become an authority over the same hobby. Good grief!? What am I doing here?

Oh, yes. Okay, so if you click over to my actual blog, you'll see I have pages. Ooooo Aaahhh. Today, I added a page labeled "Soundtrack of 2010". As ridiculously juvenile as I felt piecing these songs together, they are a decent summation of what I experienced in the last year. If you comment on this post and tell me you'd like me to go more in-depth about all or a specific song I've listed, I would be honoured to share my story with you. The order of the songs is relevant, just like soundtracks to real movies. I hope you find time to read the lyrics of each song while listening to it. I've linked each title to make it easy on you. 

I've missed blogging so much and intend to reenter its world with vigor and dignity.

Fondly, 

emily   

Drum Roll, Please!

It appears the most grabbing part of this post was the war between coffee and music.

And the winner is?!

drum roll please

....................

Music!

I figure, 
without coffee, my body and mental health may suffer... but without music, my soul suffers.
and 
Soul, you're worth it.

I do miss you ferociously, my dear, coffee.

forever yours, 

emily

Is it odd how excited I get for other people?

Have you noticed how much I like to brag about other people's happenings? Is that odd? I think its odd. I genuinely get outrageously excited when I witness the dreams of others coming true. 

I met Meagan from a little seed, a little water, this summer. And very briefly. But she was a blogger and I was a blogger so it was instant camaraderie! I found out her passions and pretty well knew she'd do well on the path she was headed. When I saw that Once Wed was looking for an intern, I immediately forwarded the information her way. Apparently loads of her other friends thought the same and her g-mail adverts are, no doubt, reflecting photog internships galore. Well, guess what?! She will now get to work with the skilled people of Once Wed. And it's super exciting to me! Why? Because she's talented, a hard worker, and genuine. Check out her design and photography.

perhaps this is more of a tweet than a blog post

BUT

I really want to explain how and why I love this girl's blog (in more than 140 characters). I don't really know her. I've met her. I liked her when I met her; but I don't think we exchanged more than 5 words. She was the photographer at a wedding I was in, last May. 

I don't know what exactly it is that has me reading every word of one blog over another. I keep thinking there is some particular topic or approach that I am drawn to more than others. But I'm pretty sure that it's more my appreciation for creativity and authenticity that causes me to light up when I see a new post on certain blogs. Sure, the perception of both those things may be nothing more than opinion. So, in my opinion, this girl seems simply authentic, not to mention she is clearly a very talented photographer. 

If you're into being inspired by practical vulnerability (an area in which I think the church has dropped the ball), you should read her love story and the prequel. Just peek around her blog, she's so real and without an agenda. I absolutely admire it. And look at those kids! Are they not the sweetest things you've ever seen?! 

That is all. 

But stay tuned, I'm about to go hog-wild posting pictures and stories of 

my new niece with whom I will be spending the entirety of next week!

Responsibility and Motivation

I'll be honest, when I read this, I was annoyed. I was annoyed because I agreed with her feelings but didn't like that she communicated them.... but, at the same time, I was glad she did say something... but then I didn't like that it was even important enough to say something... but I still think the church (as a whole) should be called out on being more aware of it's tendencies. I don't know. I am clearly conflicted.

See? I've had this same feeling before. People like to engage when things are (dare I say) shallow; but when posts become heavier, or less flattering to the human ego, or confusing- people disengage. It's frustrating. I understand how she feels. But every time I've felt the urge to say something, I settled on the concept of being responsible for myself. 

I was raised with the constant nagging (love you, mother) to not base my actions on how others will most-likely respond... or in this case not respond. Why? Because, not only am I am assuming how they will respond, I am assuming the responsibility of altering their thoughts; and that is not my responsibility. I submit that sometimes their assumed response may change how or when truth is presented, but never that it is presented. 

So in her case, I agree- it's down right annoying that readership would fluctuate based on how uncomfortable/guilty what she is sharing might make others feel; especially when she is talking "about what the Bible says about taking care of the poor, or share stories from trips I’ve taken (Haiti, India, Uganda – soon to be Moldova and Russia), my stats tank". But being "angry" about "stats tanking" implies an expectation. 

Honestly, I thought she seemed a bit cynical, but she still makes a good point.

If anything, you'd think the church would be more engaged by such topics. But so often, when guilt responds to what someone else says, or the way someone else lives, or if we don't understand something, we limit how much we engage with the ideas presented. It's as though the church would rather stay inside the lines even if it means false piety.

At the end of the day, if no one seems inspired or moved by what I say or share, should it really bother me? (that's rhetorical) Perhaps, though, the bothersome part is not in 'the stats', but in the implications of silence. 

Linky Love

Good day, friends. 

Kelly mentioned being curious about what was behind some of my folders, so I thought it might be fun if we had a little blog-swap. So, here's the deal- because you are a person of integrity, you are only going to read my list below if you are going to leave a comment with 5-10 of your favourite blogs... cause if you read mine and don't leave me some, then we aren't really swapping, now are we? don't spoil the blog-swapping fun.

One per folder (sans 'favourites'):

1. Church: Flowerdust ...I discovered her blog through discovering her book 'Permission to Speak Freely' which is currently on my amazon wishlist....
2. Google-related: GoogleReader ...duh.
3. Thinkers: James F. McGrath ...should I admit that, though I do enjoy the challenges his thoughts provoke, I actually subscribed because of his fantastic posts on Lost?
4. Bloggers I know: duckduck ...since I know 2 of them, I put them in this folder... they didn't quite fit into any other folder. I subscribe because they are talented.
5. Food: Happy Foody ...it's no surprise this woman inspires the heck out of me. and she has a special blog just for food! 
6. Good Ideas: this ones kind of broad... could be from money saving tips, to how to interact with people in person to how to interact with people in the blogosphere... copyblogger ...cause good ideas can be found here.
7. Holistic Health: Green Smoothie Girl ...changed my life
8. Photography: of course I want to link the one and only Liz... who happens to be in my favourites folder. But I will also link Blue Lily Photography ...who I think my friend meagan sent me.
9. mommy blogs: Now, I know her blog is more than a "mommy blog"... but, it's a lot to sort through.... and overall, I consider it a mommy blog, so... don't hate on me when I tell you that this is where The Pioneer Woman is kept.
10. Craftiness (my second favourite folder): oh my deer is kept here... and it was really hard to pick one to share with you... take a peek, you might like it.

There you have it. 10 little, 9 little, 8 little Indians. Link me some of your most enjoyable subscriptions.

Thursday Thirteen

Nope, it's not Thursday. I am participating, once again, in Liz's interactive blog festivities. To partake in the get-to-know-you-fun, answer the below questions in your own blog, and leave me a comment so I can get to know you!

If money or skill-set was no issue, what would you love to do for a living?
   write
If you could fix or put an end to one problem in the world what would it be?
   abandon, neglected, or abused children
What is one of your favorite traits about yourself?
   how i go about understanding things
Share with me the name of one person who inspires you.
   Stephanie Nielson
If you could get rid of one type of music forever, what would it be? Band, genre, artist?
   mean lyrics
If you could choose your talent, what talent would you give to yourself? Why?
   reading music fluently, because then i could play every instrument!
What sort of vacation do you enjoy most?
   one where i don't have to squeeze things in
Reach out your arm to your left. What is closest at hand? To your right?
   a quilting hoop is to my left and lamp is to my right.
If you took a six month sabbatical from your work / life situation, what would you do?
   join the international justice mission in their efforts toward ending the sex-trade
If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to?
   Eden, yes, like the garden.
If you were stranded on an island and could take ONE person with you, who would it be?
   ... can it be my dog, Jersey? 
What is your favorite (encouraging) quote?
   "The best obedience of my hands, dares not appear before Thy throne; but faith can answer Thy demands     because of what the Lord has done."  I Boast No More, Caedmon's Call
What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?
   listen to me

These are my Thursday Thirteen. What are yours?

Electronic Paper-cuts

Do I ever get sick of organizing and consolidating? No, I do not. Whether it's rearranging my house, redistributing my clothes between dresser drawers, hangers and Goodwill, moving things from one cabinet to another, downsizing my facebook account (which I have since deactivated), or reworking the internal structure of a closet- I do love to reorganize and consolidate my life. Today? I was up to my elbows in folders, mail and other subscriptions....ok... well, I would have been, had it not been for the wonderful world wide web thats right, 4 dubs. Sorting through which blog belonged in what folder and what filing system made the most sense is no easy task. If these things weren't electronic, I'd no doubt have quite the back-ache and multiple bloody paper-cuts. Ow! God bless electronic forms of light reading. 

Here is a snippet of my newly organized folders with beautiful tabs and flawless handwriting easy-to-read font and clear count of all I haven't read: 

(can you tell i'm over mommy blogs? don't be fooled by the huge number 

next to Craftiness; i 'mark as unread' all my favourite home-decor articles)

I love the feeling of organization... 

Six and a half weeks later, I have decided to reflect on what 2009 taught me. 

2 0 0 9 

I don't exactly have the best memory. I'm almost incapable of simply memorizing a thing. I made a terrible student in America's school system. But I do know that the things I remember are the concepts or experiences that have lasting effects on my life. permanent impressions. The things that alter how I engage with life- those are the things I will remember. That being said, when I think on the last year of my life I will remember these things:

1. indescribable amounts of pain, sadness, confusion, and doubt
2. honest, though feeble, prayer that yielded inexplicable amounts of peace and growth
3. a more seasoned, and thus- more tangible understanding of 'faith'
4. fiction reading

Each of the above lends its own sub-lessons; things I could unpack for days over endless amounts of coffee... in a comfy chair... with sweatpants on.... 

2009 was one of my most arduous, yet most effective, tutors. And for that- I am grateful.   

Thanks for your input, Kelly.

Spreading More Love

Happy Monday!

Fun fact? I love Mondays. 

And not just 'cause Mrs.LizCook is announcing a giveaway every Monday this month. 

Since ever (I like that better than 'ever since') I became a full-time working woman (circa 2003), I have loved Mondays. It didn't take long for me to learn that almost every full-time employee absolutely despises the first day of the work-week. However, the underdog and I have always enjoyed each other's company. I think it's the anti-social tendencies of my personality that enjoy a day where most people are grumpy and don't really care to small-talk when they come into work. Which, ironically, results in a more friendly and amiable Emily. 

Speaking of Mondays, are you stressed? You probably are. It is Monday. You do have a lot riding on you this week. You need a chance to unwind, put your feet up, soak... You need help relaxing. I know it. and YOU are in luck! Liz is giving away a  Spa Kit. Just LOOK at that picture! Enter by telling her how you enjoy relaxing. Then, spread the love to be re-entered!

Question

Did you blog a recap of your life in 2009? 

Should I blog a recap of 2009? 

Spreading the Love

Look, don't hate. I know I haven't blogged in a while. 

I actually have an exciting 

new project I'm working 

on, so it'll be 

worth

the

wait!

(If

you're into simplifying your life

and

meeting other people's needs).

Right now, I'm here to tell you about this giveaway. I'd like to take a moment to brag about how a dream I had (literally- a dream I had) is what pushed this girl's career into forward motion. No, I am not responsible for any of her skills- she was born with those. But! I did wake up one morning after a fantastic dream starring Liz as my wedding photographer... and, there, her ball went rolling. She, too, has exciting things happening this year. I have loved watching her career unfold. She has been an exceptionally great steward of her talents and has thus, been entrusted with much.* 

To enter in this drawing, just tell her about someone with whom you'd love to go on a coffee-date. I told her I wanted a coffee-date with cjane. (In my dreams, I know). But, I figured I would avoid sucking up by reminding Liz of all the wonderful coffee-dates we've had... in person... long distance through the interwebs... and even on the phone... tehehe. Liz and I have the most wonderful of coffee-talk. An-y-who, I'm sure you're eager to go enter. So, GO GO GO! Enter, and spread the love to be re-entered. (btdubs, how clever; she's giving away a coffee set this week). GO!

* Luke 16

The Faith Essays, Part II

Whattup friends?! Hope the Christmas season is suiting you nicely! We've had a whirlwind of guests and I've loved every minute of it. I hope my home is always a sort of resting place for people traveling, visiting, or just wanting a change of scenery. 

So, you know how ages ago I was hoping to get some friends on board for contributing essays about faith to my little blog, here? You know, to spark discussion? And it went nowhere? (cooperative friends I have, eh? be jealous.) Do you remember that? Ya, well, I confronted a kind friend on the fact that he totally wrote a (what I, now, refer to as) faith essay. And did not submit it to me?! How dare he?! He repented of his selfish ways and told me to please publish it as the second faith essay to my series! So, maybe he didn't exactly ask me to "please publish it"... perhaps I had to manipulate him into letting me use it... and promise that I wouldn't link to his blog. (lame). But, that little hurdle did not deter this series! True to my narcissism, I decided, for the sake of the series, of course, to extend forgiveness to my friend and use his faith essay. (In hopes to encourage you and spark discussion...we'll see how that goes.)

Without further ado:

exiled or lost? (the life of a spy)

I must confess.

I have been totally and completely unmotivated this semester. The summer came and went and in its wake left me in a sort of rut.

I slept too much.

I ate too much.

I worried about myself.

I didn't really read.

I didn't really work.

I was visually annoyed at most things.

Anytime I tried to pick myself up and get some motivation for the future, it appeared to always come with some resistance. Nothing came easy. That feeling of resistance kept me paralyzed. I wasn't sure where to go. I really was annoyed because nothing seemed to be going the way I wanted it to. God was not working in my life. He wanted to me to do and be things, that I didn't want to do or be. So, I gave up.

I felt lost.

One of the most interesting things about motivation, is that it is almost always paired with ambition; and ambition always looks to the future. Most of the time you can interchange the words, motivation and ambition. Those two words seem to be in a sort of marriage. Of course they have different personalities, but, lets be honest, they really mean the same thing.

If we were going to parse the word (yes, the one word version) ambition and motivation. Maybe draw it on a white board. Or let them get busy, and have children, I think you might see two polarizations. (their children would be bipolar). On one side, there might be all of the verbs that business articles love so much.

hard work

dynamism

change

innovation

But, on the other side you might see all the things that those same business articles do not care to bring to light

egocentrism

greed

narcissism

indifference

pride

I stayed confused. I didn't want to be prideful. I didn't want to be narcissistic. or create indifference.

I stood still.

I kept hearing,

"Hey Chris, you GOT to be more ambitious"

I wasn't sure what that meant at the time. But I knew I didn't have it.

I think I wanted to be lost.

I wasn't sure who I wanted to be, so I decided I wanted to be lost instead. I wanted to wander. Life was better for other people, so, it made me question my relation to the God that I tried so hard to understand for years. I wanted to be exiled into the wilderness because the thought of conquering Canaan was too hard. I felt like one of the spies that came back from the promised land, and said, no, I can't do this; conquering life looks too hard. I would rather be lost in exile.

Why did God even want me to go to the states for school anyway? Why did I take religion? Why didn't I take something that I would come out with a kickass job? Why did God bring me to this place of uncertainty?

"If only we had died in Egypt! or in this desert!

Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword?...

... And they said to each other 'we should choose a leader to go back to Egypt'"

I wanted to go back.

I wanted to make different choices.

I wasn't sure why I was in the place I was.

I felt ill-equipped to do any of the thing I wanted to do.

I think if the Israelites could have, they would have sat down in a car on top of a large hill, listening to Dashboard Confessional, writing in their journals saying 'life sucks', at that point in their history. They wanted to go back in time, they didn't like where they were, and thought, things were better back then.... if only it was a few years ago.... sure it wasn't perfect, and we complained back then, but, heck, it was better then this!

The Israelites didn't have faith.

The Lord said to Moses

"How long will these people treat Me with contempt?

How long will they refuse to believe in Me,

in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?

I love this quote by Jerry Seinfeld:

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

Movement is essential.

Faith is paramount.

Those are the two words that I think should be coupled together. I think Movement and Faith should be the words that come together in marriage.

Don't get me wrong, I still like, Motivation and Ambition.

But, I'd pick Movement and Faith any day of the week.

I think if you married movement and faith, you'd get:

Forward motion

Hard Work

Ambiguity

Trust

*My own emphasis added, with our friend's approval, of course.

I love how he couples faith with movement. They need each other. I think it's key to realize that without an element of faith, we would move nowhere. Faith is essential to life itself! Just think of the implications!

Timing Is Everything

Today? Today, I am very grateful for everything about this post.

Frustration

So, I'm in the process of writing my first official blog series (whatever that means). I've half-written an unpublished blog on faith. Each time I go to edit the post, I read, rearrange, and think, "I know these thoughts are related... but it doesn't really sound like it..." This thought gave birth to the idea that I should make it a series; I should separate each idea, opinion, and theory... and possibly even have some guest-bloggers contribute to the series... at least, these are my delusions of grandeur.

A friend of mine asked me if I knew how frustrating it was to not be able to articulate a thought. I submit that I know that frustration all too well. Each time I blog, the challenge to articulate what I'm saying concisely and effectively right-hooks me smack in the jaw. It takes me hours, and sometimes days, to publish despite this challenge. And considering how many unpublished blogs I have, I apparently do not always take the challenge by the neck. I often avoid. I am an avoider of sorts (more on that some other time).

All that to say that the term "frustrated" has become one of my favorite terms to describe my state of mind at times. So often, negative feelings are all lumped together. But when I describe my state of mind, I'm careful to use "angry" when I am, in fact, angry... "sad" when I am, in fact, sad... "disappointed" when I am, in fact, disappointed. You get the point.

When I am frustrated, I am not angry, I am not disappointed, I am not sad, I am not pissed... it's not an adrenaline-charged feeling. It's more a state of mind. Frustrated is the state of mind I am in, when I am accepting that whatever goal or idea I had of a situation has been nullified. And I know, in my heart of hearts, that this is just the way it is/should be. It's where I'm at when I am readjusting my perspective of the circumstances. Frustrated is more of a transition for me. It's what's in between uncomfortable and comfortable. It's where they meet. If that makes sense. It's like, when your stomach is growling while you're driving to lunch. It's frustrated.

To be frustrated is to be on your way to somewhere you didn't expect to be; but on your way, nonetheless.

Google Reader is one of the best inventions ever...

What does your Reader look like?

Try Something New

If you've never participated in a blog giveaway, you should go here and try something new. This is by far the most tempting prize I have ever attempted to win. It's personalized for goodness sake! Why wouldn't you at least try to win it?!

Happy Late Thanksgiving Day?

I trust you all had a lovely Thanksgiving day. I'd like to pride myself on how devout I was to my family for the week. I even used my gmail vacation responder to notify people why I would not be getting to their emails... it read:

"Emily is currently out of her inbox. So if she does not respond, please do not take it personally. If it is important, please text her cell phone. If you do not have her cell number there is probably a reason for that. ;)

Thank you!"

Hope I didn't offend anyone... Oh well if I did.

I'd like to ask you what you're most thankful for this year, but I'm afraid you all might be done answering that question. If you didn't get a chance to express your appreciation for something, feel free to comment and express your gratitude to me. I'd love to rejoice with you.

Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog

The blog world is so interesting. When I get behind on emails or blogs I will commonly gripe about how behind I am in my "e-life". . . My husband even jokes that he thinks I should work outside the home, not for the money, but for the sake of having a "real social life". But did you know that the blogging community is SO much like a tangible community?! I'm not talking about stupid celebrity blogs . . . I'm talking about real people who blog about their own lives. Recently, in a discussion with a good friend, I learned that there is even a popular crowd . . . as a matter of fact, there are two popular crowds. There is a popular clique of people who blog from the glass half empty point of view, and another from the glass half full point of view. It's just like in middle school. There are the cool "mean" kids and the cool "nice" kids. I find that my social status in the blogosphere is the same as it is in all my social circles. This intrigues me.

I have found that it is the blogger who reveals more about their life than themselves whose blogs become popular. I explained to my friend that I purposely don't write a lot about my life (though I don't know what that purpose is) and she challenged me to share a little more about my life. So, today, I'm copying and pasting an email straight from my inbox. Why? Because it's hilarious. And I want to share with you what made me laugh . . . and they said they always wanted to have their work published . . .

"...I've always wanted to get my work published. First your blog then the nobel prize. Although I don't think they give a nobel prize for incoherant crap. Shame really. .. "and the nobel prize for incoherant nonsense goes to .. [friend's name] for their article on nothing in particular" .. fame, fortune and my name in the history books. All started by your blog.

I do remember the deja vu conversation because i thought we had it before ... (get it?). I get deja vu all the freaking time too. Weird. And now it's all explained which is a shame because I had it chalked up to being a wizard, but turns out I am not in fact a wizard. Damn it. Stupid freaking colliding dimensions, they ruined my wizardry. Should you ever become a physisist, tell the intellectual community that I'm a wizard. A wizard with a nobel prize.

I friended your cousin by the way. Now she's probably wondering who the hell I am. Oh well. As for the living situation, I am living with my friends Simon and Nicola and their 18 month old baby, who I am teaching to walk because he needs to know how to do this. It's not progressing as quickly as I had hoped. I think it's a communication problem (surprised?). I speak English and he speaks baby, and we are not on the same page most of the time. But he's getting better.

I wrote Google on your behalf, $40 000 a year and you can work from home and they provide free coffee. Sorted. The contract is in the mail. You're welcome.

Don't be a lazy American, go to Wal-Mart. Do it for me. Buy crap you don't need just because it's all in the same store. And do it at 3 in the morning just because it's open all night. Live the dream. One of us has to.

So how's the world of tea? Open a tea shop. Think about it, there are millions of coffee shops but not many tea shops. It's a hole in the market and you could corner it. Or I could open a tea shop you could run. Then you'll be a googling physisit running a tea shop that's owned by a nobel prize winning wizard and we'll both have the feeling that it's all happened before. Ridiculous...."

Don't know if it made you laugh, but it made me laugh so there you have it.

Everything and the Kitchen Sink

Hello friends. I was so delighted to "meet" two new people when checking my blog, finally. I'm not quite sure if there is a formal way or if it's just plain weird to greet new people who comment on your blog. Either way, I appreciate the time you took and look forward to learning about you.

Here is a recap of the past two months...

• I had an appendicitis
  
• During surgery the doctors found an umbilical hernia to fix
• I missed my trip to Guatemala due to my 4 night hospital stay
• The coffee house had it's Grand Opening
• A close friend/co-worker of mine got in a motorcycle accident
• This left two of us to fulfill the shifts normally taken care of by 4 of us (the other was out of town)
• I tore my hernia again (doing yoga)
• I took an Espresso Lab (learned SO much about coffee!)
• Our kitchen sink decided to start leaking everywhere (we "fixed" it)
  
• I accompanied my husband in taking our youth group to camp (where I remained inactive for the sake of my hernia:( )
• My mother and youngest brother came to visit
  
• Our kitchen sink decided it didn't like our fix
  
• I took the advanced Espresso Lab (learned even more and how to pour latte art!)
• Meanwhile facing conviction, apathy, pride, and exhaustion.
  

It has been quite a busy couple of weeks. My hearts been longing to catch up on the blogs all you interesting people have been so well-disciplined with, not to mention to blog about the 3 52,641 thoughts I've had since I've last blogged. That would be why I sit here, not sharing any of those thoughts with you, at 12:47 in the morning despite the fact that I will be up at 4 to catch a flight to Canada with my husband for our very first "vacation".

I return Monday night and hope to make up for lost time. So, be prepared, friends!