Observation # 3

You know what's bullshit?

When we think of make-belief, magic, or fairytales, we think of unicorns. Really?! We can't fathom a horse with a horn existing in our tangible reality? 

Conjoined human-beings forced to share organs exist, but a horse with a horn? Only in fantasy land.

Reptiles with absolutely no limbs haven't the slightest problem getting from point A to point B, but a horse with a horn? That's just bizarre. 

An entire oak tree exists in the shell of an acorn, but a horse with a horn? Must be the mushrooms talking. 

What is so outlandish about a horse with a horn? 

Speaking of all things fantastical, tell me you're friggin stoked about HP6 this weekend!?! 

The Rogue Bag

Everybody's doing it. (Using the word "Rogue" now). 

I'll get straight to it. 

Here is that blasted little bag: 

Yes, my halls are still decked.

What?

Right where I left it to be placed in the car with the rest of the luggage for our wonderful vacation to New York City! See that little white chord? Yes, that would be my phone charger.... want to know what other essentials were in this little scoundrel? 

Yup, that's right. All of our toiletries... including my - *gasp* - makeup (yes, gentlemen, makeup is an essential), a couple warm hats for both our heads, and smell goods. Thank. God. For. Sisters! Bless you, Liz. Thanks to her and Walgreens, I didn't stink or embarrass our party of 4 with my raw look. 

Stupid bag. 

Don't Judge a Book by It's Cover

Ladies, how many of you have been on a road trip and needed to have a pee? How many of you dread nasty highway gas station bathrooms? Yea, me too. Well, you're in luck! (if you happen to be traveling on Highway 29 in Culpeper, Virginia). 

As we exited the highway, I made the comment "Great, nasty middle-of-nowhere-gas-station-bathrooms". And to my astonishment, I saw this:

A newly-done, spacious, terracotta-tiled, clean bathroom! I humbly apologize for judging this gas station by it's outward appearance.

Friends, if ever you need:

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Fruitful Confessions

The title of this post makes it sound like it's going to be a good one. But don't get your hopes up. This is just me playin the fool.

In recent weeks I have rediscovered my love for the following:

• Grape Jelly... man-o-man. I have been so faithful to my strawberry jam since I started doing my own grocery shopping back in 2002. But the other day, I decided to get a little crazy and change things up. So, I grabbed the Trader Joe's Organic Concord Grape Jelly. Last night, I dove in, not knowing what to expect... let's just say, my enjoyment of it's succulence outweighed the guilt I had for two-timing my strawberry jam. For now, I will be returning to my first love and enjoying every minute of it. mmmm mmm mm!
• Smashing Pumpkins... While we have been waiting 3 seasons for pumpkin-spice everything to come back and warm our souls (God bless the pumpkin!)... Smashing Pumpkins' music has sat dusty on a shelf in my brain for over a decade; I believe it's been since middle school that I actually sat down and enjoyed some of their jams (no pun intended). But, lately, I have been seeking out their melodies and enjoying wherever it is that the piano or guitar will take me... sans the middle school memories. Who wants to relive such an awful time of life?! Not this girl.
• and, to be redundant, Jams and Jellies- of all sorts- I discriminate not. I'm on some kind of fruity kick.

Last night, I made biscuits for dinner just so that I could have jam or jelly... or both. I couldn't decide between strawberry preserves, the above-mentioned concord grape goodness, this new fig jam that sparked my interest, apple butter, my new raspberry pecan honey butter, or black cherry jelly... with such good options, what's a girl to do?! ...

Which leads me to my confession... would you judge me if I told you that dinner (for me, not hubs, he just laughed) ended up being a plate full of roll-halves... one with each type of fruity bliss?!

What's In A Name...

I just wrote a proposal to a woman named "Dimples". D.I.M.P.L.E.S. Dimples! I just can't stop giggling like a 3-year-old-boy who just said called you a "poopy-head" (I hate potty-talk). What kind of parent would name their child Dimples?!... and what kind of adult whose name is Dimples doesn't go by something else?!

hehehe... giggles. giggles. tears. giggles. sore tummy...hehehe.

sent from gmail because google is the bomb.com.

Who Is She?

Allow me to introduce you to The Matriarch. She and her husband (Grumpy) are my bosses. They opened this business 30 years ago and have been successful without letting the desire to go corporate take the fun out of being self-employed.

You could say I, somewhat, revere The Matriarch. If you met her, you would be surprised to hear she is 73. I thought she was in her 50s. She is fully capable and very healthy. She always knows what to do, she's never caught off guard, and she don't-take-no-crap. This woman is quick in wit and thinks on her toes. She always has a plan, works hard, and has no plans for retiring. Though she works more than full-time, runs the business, and her home, she is always a mother, always a grandmother, and loves to chat.

She is in a bridge club that plays regularly, has a lunch-bunch group that meets monthly, loves to tell you every detail of any story over and over again, and watches documentaries with her husband; she is an old lady.

She gardens, always makes a fresh lunch for herself and Grumpy, makes homemade jellies and brings them in for the entire office to enjoy. She takes her grandchildren on adventures planned just for them, tells me to take the day off and go to the museum, and she drinks wine at lunch; she is a young lady.

She has learned a million ways to make life easier and I love to learn from her. She can recite whole recipes off the top of her head, accommodate her entire family's food-needs (grand kids and all) for a two-week long vacation. She turns every day-time outing into some kind of lunch date with her daughters.

If you upset her, she tells you exactly why, but she never treats you differently. She treats everyone like family. She is passionate and educated. She is confident but approachable.

She is fantastic. She is my boss. She is The Matriarch.

Irony

My husband majored in Communications with a concentration in Public Relations and Advertising and an emphasis in Marketing; He is a youth pastor.

I majored in Religion with a concentration in Biblical Studies and an emphasis in Greek; I create identity branding for the marketing of a sales-training company.

This Will Change Your Life

Ladies and gentleman, (I'm pretty confident there is only one male who reads my blog)

I have news that will change your life forever. Remember this post? 'Turns out there is some sort of truth to my proclamation...

While we were in Canada, I joked about being allergic to running, when our friend, Luke, chimed in. Now, you must understand that Luke is a personal trainer- no, he's a magical personal trainer. He's the kind who can have you looking like a model faster than you can do a cartwheel. He's the kind you'd be scared of if you saw him in a dark alley. He's the kind who knows every segment of the human anatomy and could tell you how to work out muscles you didn't even know existed. The amount of anatomy he knows and understands is ridiculous...

Me: "Ewe, why would you go running?! It's vacation. I hate running. It hurts me. I'm allergic to it, you know?!"

Luke: "Well, the female body wasn't designed to handle running..."

Me: (all lit up) "Come again?!"

Luke: "Well, a man's body is pretty much a straight line. Whereas in a woman's body, her hips are set out wider than other parts of her body. This makes her femurs hit her knees at an angle. Your knees are directly under the middle of your body, where ours are more lined up with our hips. Your femurs hit your knees at an angle. This is unconducive to running. Do your knees hurt when or after you run?"

Me: (elated at how affirmed I felt) "Yes! Always!..."

The conversation continued to liberate me. We concluded that, considering the width of my hips (don't remind me), the length of my femurs (abnormally long), and the angle at which my femur and knee connect, I should stick with other forms of cardio. I am not meant for running! No more guilt! Yay! Freeeeeedoooooom!

Happy Birthday To Me

I am glad I decided that this was the last birthday I would be celebrating. I mean, really, who needs to celebrate the day of their birth more than 25 times?! Perhaps, I'll celebrate again when I turn 70. My 25th year of life has been like spiritual boot camp. I will not be getting into that here. Not only can I confidently say that I have grow leaps and bounds in the last year of my life; so far, my 25 years of life have been commemorated 3 times by the most special people in my life who evidently are full of love for me as well. I am blessed.

Celebration 1:

A couple of days ago, in Canada, I was sitting around a bonfire enjoying the merriment of good friends and great conversations. Vacation is the best, more on that later. All of the sudden, "Happy birthday to you..." you know the rest... And I just joined in looking around trying to figure out whose birthday it was. Finally, I heard "... happy birthday, dear, Emily..." and it hit me. I'm a quick one. The thoughtful mocha cake was enjoyed by me as I contemplated being 25 and loved by friends whom I love. Then, I was treated to the ROM to see the Dead Sea Scrolls!! What a perfect birthday gift for a girl who has a quarter of a century behind her! My soul and brain were invigorated. There is nothing like a friend who is as charmed by academic imbibement as you are. I should apply to work at a museum.

Celebration 2:

We got home late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning. I spent Wednesday cleaning the house for the arrival of my mother, 2 brothers, and sister who were driving through Atlanta. My husband prepared an amazing feast so we could celebrate with my most of my family. I wish I had taken a picture, because it was to-die-for-delish! Donned with love, fun gifts, and the news that I will be an Auntie Em to my sister's bundle of joy come February, I stepped back and again, contemplated being loved for the past 25 years. I enjoyed the familiar argumentative tones that emerged even over breakfast. I enjoyed having intelligible conversations with my used-to-be-little-brothers. It's odd to think they aren't little boys. I'm so proud of them. I enjoyed the sheer wit. The Anspach family has an unbeatable gift; my mum is the funniest person I know. Sibling dynamics make me laugh. There is nothing like family. I had a good time.

Celebration 3:

I arrive at work with my leftovers, packed by Mr.Fabulous, only to be told by my co-worker to save it for tomorrow because we are having a proper birthday party for me. And we did. Complete with a bright tablecloth, pretty napkins, food, wine, an ice cream cake, and tons of laughter. Mind you, the closest person to my age is 20 years older than I. Picture an Italian dinner, except lunch and not Italian food, and you'll have a very close picture of what went on in our office today at noon. The best part was when we heard my boss say "uh oh"... we turned to see that his new dentures had fallen out. What a cute grumpy old man he is. The three girls at the table just about peed our pants it was so funny. I cried every bit of makeup off my face. There is nothing like a good laugh.

The best memories are the kind where you walk away thinking "There is nothing like..." My 25th birthday has, without a doubt, been good enough to hold me over for the next 45 years.

I Am Allergic To Running

Well, my attitude seems better today... but my body hates me. Remember that run I took? I'm thinking I don't know how to run. I don't think I ever learned the art of running. All these jokers who are addicted to running blow my mind. One of my most beloved friends is 50 years old and can't get enough of running! (S I C K !)

Perhaps it has something to do with how big my feet are... or how I haven't tied my tennis shoes since the day they were given to me (part of why I hate running is the trapped feet)... or the way I run (I'm flashing back to a Friends episode)... whatever the reason, I cannot go running without having horrible shin splints the next day week. It sucks! It sucks because it's like trying to cuddle a porcupine- no matter how good it may be for me (what?), it will always hurt me! You know what I mean. I can never grow to love something that makes me want to die.

Enough about the shins. I've got worse problems (shocker, I know).

A couple of years ago, I wrenched my neck really badly. So badly, I could barely move. It was as if my chin was sown to my left shoulder. I had to go to a chiropractor for a couple of months... once I could drive without being a danger to everyone else on the road, I stopped going (those ballars are expensive!)... well, since then, this neck of mine has never really been up to par. Sleeping on it wrong (or running- I should blame running) creates about a weeks worth of awkward positioning throughout my day-to-day life. It sucks. I seem to have jacked it up again... pray I don't kill anyone as I perform acrobatics to check my blind spot.

As much as I hate drugs, I'm going to have to down the ibuprofen for the upcoming holiday weekend. It appears muscles don't bounce back as quickly as my attitude.

Happy Independence Day weekend! Be grateful you aren't Canadian ;) (that's for you, Chris)

I Concede... sort of

Did you see this?! Kelly brought it! Bringing in The Word and everything?! OH SNAP!!

To this, I must say a few of things:

• I love this girl.
• I love my thoughts to be challenged.
• The only thing I love more than having my thoughts challenged is having them be challenged with the Bible.
  
• I still think the concept of drinking milk is disgusting, but I must take back "We are all meant to be lactose-intolerant"... HOWEVER, goat's milk (the type of milk the about which the Bible speaks) does have significantly less lactose in it than cow's milk.... it's effects on the body are much less harsh than that of cow's milk... I'm just saying...
  

So, Kelly, I concede... sort of.

From the Coffee Front

Okay, so I've done a million things in the last couple of months and haven't really told you much of anything. So this post will be very hodge-podge. No apologies though. As selfish as I may seem, I told myself early into this blog that it wouldn't become a chore. And because I make no apologies- it hasn't! ;) No offense, I still love anyone who is actually interested in reading it... but as much as I don't want to blog out of obligation- I don't want you to read out of obligation. Ergo- we both leave this URL guilt free whenever we choose to visit it!

So, back in April... I had the opportunity to work at the SCAA and WBC! Not only did Monin pay me bank, but I got to meet my coffee-crush.... (despite making a fool out of myself). The whole weekend was such the to-do... we were waking up early, truckin down to the Georgia World Congress Center, making drinks all day, networking, after parties every night, and watching people compete for one of the most alluring positions! The World Barista Championship! Coffee is a world so much deeper than one could ever know. It's like walking into a pool; first, you hit the shallow end where you don't have to really think about anything... the "bux" even knows your order most days... then you go a little deeper and discover you're not sure what you want...you've tried different things and aren't sure if you want to add sugar or not... then you go even deeper and you realize coffee can be made in so many more ways than you ever knew possible... and you don't need the sugar or milk to make it taste good... but this pool never ends- there is always something new to be discovered!

... and I step down from my soapbox...

How did I make a fool of myself to James? Well, I'm not much of a socialite... but I did end up a one or two of the evening parties. There he was, approachable and not busy... my lovely friend, Jon, pushed me towards him and said, "Go talk to him!" ... I fumbled toward James wanting to tell him how much I respect his coffee journey, what a great job he did in 2007, etc etc... but do you know what came out of my mouth?! "Hi James! I'm Emily... I think you look like Harry Potter" - WHAT?! What in the world was going on in my head?! I'd like to blame Jon for the stupidity that whirled out of my brain and right onto poor James. Who says that?! Thankfully, James (now referred to as "HP" by my fellow coffee friends) handled it so graciously and laughed it off, asking me, (with his British accent) "The actor or the actual character? I'm not sure if one can look like a fictional character..." I told him to trust me that it was a good thing... and somehow was able to walk away from the conversation without peeing my pants and melting from sheer embarrassment. Well, the rest of the weekend I would run into HP and awkwardly wave and walk away... what an idiot?!

...moving on...

Most life changing thing to happen as a result of that weekend? Jon and I, with the support of my amazing husband, have decided to start our own little business! We have been working very hard on a media kit and finding clients; it has been quite the adventure. The name of our business? Solido Espresso (pronounced 'so-lee-dough'). We are a mobile espresso bar that caters to events from weddings to corporate parties... any event that wants to experience the sound art of coffee... talk to me if you're interested ;)

My husband took pictures at the last latte art competition I competed in, here are a few:

Wildest Dreams

Well, it's been a while. Do I look any different? Can you tell how much I've grown? Because I have. I officially feel like an adult! I have accomplished a task, I would never have thought myself capable of- until now. I have done one of the most grown up things I could have dreamed of as an adolescent. In the past 4 weeks, I have read 4 very large novels, (don't worry about the reading levels). A book a week! I have read a book a week in the last month! I can confidently say that I am an adult.

You have to understand, I just started reading fiction by choice in December. I made it to 24 years of age without ever having read a fiction book just for the fun of it. If I was going to read, it was going to be philosophy, theology, religion, or a person's thoughts on the like. Today is a new day; I have expanded my horizons! I have entered a world of characters and life parallels. I have entered a world where my day just isn't complete until I have checked into my book to see how things are. I have entered a world where books have trumped television (not that we have cable), facebook, email, and blogging (obviously).

There was a time when I counted fiction as a waste of time. There was a time when I saw the academic subject of English as cluttering my brain with unnecessary trivia. There was a time, when I judge people who read about vampires... specifically the Twilight series.

It all started when I watched the movie on accident. Yes, on accident. You see... We were meeting a couple of friends at the dollar theater at 7pm. We were just going to watch whatever was playing when we got there... Well, the only two options were Marley & Me... or Twilight. I'm sure you know, by now, how attached we are to our dog. Marley & Me was out of the question. The friends we were with are Twilight fanatics, so they were excited about seeing the movie for the 3rd time. Husband and I just looked at each other and laughed. The whole first 5 minutes all we could do was make fun of our friends... but as the movie went on, my interest was peaked. (I can't say that of my husband's).

A couple days later, I saw a friend of mine who had read all the books.

me: "Hey, Katie... I have to apologize to you"
Katie: "Why?"
me: "I saw Twilight the other night and think I understand why you would read the books"
Katie: (laugh)

later that night...

Katie: "here-" (hands me the first book)
me: (laugh)

... and so I began. I have never whipped through a book so fast in my life. Until the 3rd book- I read it so fast I can't remember how it started or ended. Before I knew it, I was finishing the 4th book.

So there you have it. I consider myself (ironic as it may be) a real adult. A book a week. Something I never dreamed possible for me. Nothing seems impossible now. The sky is the limit! Perhaps I can take on the Harry Potter series next... or the Chronicles of Narnia.

Puppy Love

I love my dog so much that I forget she is a dog. This morning, my husband and I were getting ready to go to Panera, sit outside with our books, sip lemonade, and enjoy the beautiful weather... in my head I was picturing Jersey (the pup) sitting at (not under) the table with us... my brain halted when it realized I was thinking about a dog. I hate that she can't just go everywhere with us.

Here she is... her ears do not normally look like little red devil ears... she is running... with a rock in her mouth... she hates rocks and tries to make them disappear:

Bike For America

As I drove across the street to my local grocery store, in my temperature-controlled vehicle, listening to my radio, something struck me. NPR's program was educating me on the need of bikes in Zambia. This was approximately the 37th proclamation I had heard in the past 12 months imploring America to provide another country with bikes... Bikes for Indonesia, Bikes for Rwanda, Bikes for Uganda, Bikes for Zambia... I vote to start a "Bikes for America" campaign. Let's get all of our lazy butts out of our comfortable vehicles and onto some bikes. Instead of depending on new years resolution weight loss gimmicks, lets start peddling across the street. Instead of sleeping in and leaving last minute to speed to work, how about waking our lazy tails early enough to peddling to work... or school... or church. Whatever.

Bikes for America!

The campaign to deslothify Americans!

Toxic Jersey

There is nothing worse than being trapped in the car for a ten hour ride with a dog that has gas- bad gas. Every couple of minutes we'd have to roll the windows down just to breath. Now, we are blessed; Jersey is so good in the car. After the initial excitement of being free from the confinement of our 1100 square foot condo, this 75 pound boxer will get cozy and settle in for the long rides. However, this time, just because she was sleeping, did not mean we got a break from her near-nuclear gas. It was awful! She would wake her own self up looking at us like, "did that come out of me?!"

Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog

The blog world is so interesting. When I get behind on emails or blogs I will commonly gripe about how behind I am in my "e-life". . . My husband even jokes that he thinks I should work outside the home, not for the money, but for the sake of having a "real social life". But did you know that the blogging community is SO much like a tangible community?! I'm not talking about stupid celebrity blogs . . . I'm talking about real people who blog about their own lives. Recently, in a discussion with a good friend, I learned that there is even a popular crowd . . . as a matter of fact, there are two popular crowds. There is a popular clique of people who blog from the glass half empty point of view, and another from the glass half full point of view. It's just like in middle school. There are the cool "mean" kids and the cool "nice" kids. I find that my social status in the blogosphere is the same as it is in all my social circles. This intrigues me.

I have found that it is the blogger who reveals more about their life than themselves whose blogs become popular. I explained to my friend that I purposely don't write a lot about my life (though I don't know what that purpose is) and she challenged me to share a little more about my life. So, today, I'm copying and pasting an email straight from my inbox. Why? Because it's hilarious. And I want to share with you what made me laugh . . . and they said they always wanted to have their work published . . .

"...I've always wanted to get my work published. First your blog then the nobel prize. Although I don't think they give a nobel prize for incoherant crap. Shame really. .. "and the nobel prize for incoherant nonsense goes to .. [friend's name] for their article on nothing in particular" .. fame, fortune and my name in the history books. All started by your blog.

I do remember the deja vu conversation because i thought we had it before ... (get it?). I get deja vu all the freaking time too. Weird. And now it's all explained which is a shame because I had it chalked up to being a wizard, but turns out I am not in fact a wizard. Damn it. Stupid freaking colliding dimensions, they ruined my wizardry. Should you ever become a physisist, tell the intellectual community that I'm a wizard. A wizard with a nobel prize.

I friended your cousin by the way. Now she's probably wondering who the hell I am. Oh well. As for the living situation, I am living with my friends Simon and Nicola and their 18 month old baby, who I am teaching to walk because he needs to know how to do this. It's not progressing as quickly as I had hoped. I think it's a communication problem (surprised?). I speak English and he speaks baby, and we are not on the same page most of the time. But he's getting better.

I wrote Google on your behalf, $40 000 a year and you can work from home and they provide free coffee. Sorted. The contract is in the mail. You're welcome.

Don't be a lazy American, go to Wal-Mart. Do it for me. Buy crap you don't need just because it's all in the same store. And do it at 3 in the morning just because it's open all night. Live the dream. One of us has to.

So how's the world of tea? Open a tea shop. Think about it, there are millions of coffee shops but not many tea shops. It's a hole in the market and you could corner it. Or I could open a tea shop you could run. Then you'll be a googling physisit running a tea shop that's owned by a nobel prize winning wizard and we'll both have the feeling that it's all happened before. Ridiculous...."

Don't know if it made you laugh, but it made me laugh so there you have it.

Life Is Like A Box Of Somethin'

In order to keep myself occupied while at work yesterday, I kept a napkin and pen with me at all times and recorded all of the entertaining things I saw. The picture above is proof that I'm a dork. The list below is proof that I'm a dork who can find humor in almost anything...

1. A 2 year old girl dressed head to toe ghetto fabulously. I wish I had overlooked how rude it would have been to take a picture. For now, you'll have to settle for this googled image I found that came close.
2. A dad with a sippy cup in his back pocket. Though touching, it still pulled a giggle out of me.
   
3. A Chinese woman who sat on a bench and rubbed her ears vigorously for 17 minutes straight.
4. A loudly chaotic parade welcoming Santa to his photolicious throne.
5. A sweet family with the 4 most well-behaved children I have ever encountered.
6. A woman who grabbed sample after sample insisting they were "for her husband"... we ran out of that sample twice as many times as we normally do.
7. Those people who don't realize how rude, not to mention- awkward, it is to hang around and try to keep up a conversation with you while you're working and customers are in need of your attention... what do you call those people? They don't even buy anything, they don't even want anything, they just want to talk and don't realize that work is not that time nor place... And even if you tell them, they still don't get it... those people crack me up. We have three of those regulars...
8. And possibly the most exciting observation of the day- quadruplets! In a stroller that looked like it came straight from Whoville!

What an exciting day I had. I'm sure you are jealous. Don't be, you just gotta keep a pen and napkin in your pocket.

I've Been Short Changed

There are 3 things in life that everyone has experienced except for me!

1. Mono(nucleosis)
2. Poison Ivy
3. Bee stings

I had a doctor tell me that I am immune to mono. I have played man-hunt in fields full of poison ivy and come out of the game as the only one who wasn't covered and itching. And, though I have been irritated to no end by their damned buzzing, no bee has actually stung me! ... It's just... It's just frustrating. I mean- I'm so useless when these things happen to the people around me. I can't empathize. I can't say "I know how you feel". I can't say "this is what I did to help"... I just sit there thinking "I wonder what that feels like"...

I did the most exhilierating thing today...

... I cleaned our bathroom! It is the cleanest it has ever been. I scrubbed like a regular Cinderella- every nook and cranny. Boy does it look like a brand new room! I find that when I plan to clean something it's more exciting. It becomes something I look forward to. Something that feels like an accomplishment rather than an obligation. I had quite a fantastic time making that place sparkle today. You should try it!